Recently, an entertaining, if not horrifying, article went around that I posted on the Facebook page for The Wedding Yentas about a bride who saw dollar signs in the eyes of her guests.
Facebook participation was pretty much all the same from comments like “OMG – who raised this person???” to “So awful.” I think it’s safe to say that Yentas are smart gals.
The article kicked major tushie because one guest, a good, lifelong friend, finally called out the bride on her super crazy antics and I wanted to high-5 her through my computer screen. But a) that would totally ruin my monitor and b) that wouldn’t really help me. So instead, I thought I’d kick it up a notch and take to discussion here about guests and gifts.
The bride in the article basically made presumptuous remarks about receiving oodles of piles of cash in potential wedding cards and later makes a comment to insinuate that individuals should not attend festive events celebrating milestones (showers, weddings, etc.) unless they come with a gift.
So, yeah, go splash some cold water on your face and return when you’ve come back to reality.
OK, you’re back and no, you are not dreaming. Or having a nightmare. What you just read is true: this insane woman doesn’t want anyone at her wedding who can’t deliver the green. And that makes me green with nausea.
Look, my husband and I were super thankful for all of our generous guests who brought or sent gifts for our wedding. We received both checks and gifts from our registry and even a few pieces that were personally picked by them for us. Our goal for the wedding day was to celebrate with our favorite family and friends and surround ourselves in their love and support. Their good wishes were valuable; their gifts were nice. Not the other way around.
I know that fellow Yentas are as horrified as I am by this psychotic bride who clearly needs a walk down the aisle… of a mental institution.
If you’re part of the generation that’s currently making your way on the wedding circuit, you’ll know that it’s an expensive year! Gifting is a wonderful thing to do, but it’s really not required. However, it does feel wrong to attend such a milestone empty-handed. Even when I’ve gone to events that specifically said “No gifts please” on the invitation, I’ve broken the rules and still brought a gift because I just can’t arrive with only a hello and a hug. And most showers have the sole purpose of showering the guest of honor with presents relevant to the occasion. So it’s unlikely that we’ll come to an event without a present in tow. The friend who berated the bride in the article knew she couldn’t NOT gift, so she did her best to provide something that came from the heart without breaking her bank. That’s a very appropriate compromise.
So what if you’re tapped out in your wedding gift budget? It’s very simple. Do the best you can. Weddings can be expensive to begin with; sometimes there’s necessary hotel or travel, or there’s a babysitter involved, or you need to buy something new to wear. Then you have to toss a gift into the mix and you’re looking at a very light wallet. That’s a hard pill to swallow, but tell yourself that it’s really true: the thought DOES count! Choosing something that’s at a comfortable price point for you is what’s best for you; and if you choose something off the registry, then the couple still gets what they want and it’s a win-win.
Also, you can choose to purchase gifts from stores that offer savings opportunities. You can get a little more bang for your gift-giving buck. The couple should be glad to receive what they asked for on their registry or what you’ve personally selected for them and it won’t matter if you used a coupon or a promotion.
So as a guest, don’t stress about gifts. You’ll do what you can. And the support, love, and care you give to the couple will be priceless.
And if you’re getting married and you’re looking forward to the gifts, that’s OK! Gifts are fun! Be appreciative and gracious. It’s not about how stocked your cupboards are, but instead how full your heart is.
What’s your take on this article? Do you think the good friend did the right thing? What’s your opinion of the bride?