Category Archives: Jewish Traditions

Chuppah-ly Ever After by Beverly Harris

Posted on May 20, 2013 by Alison in From the Expert, Jewish Traditions, Planning

Besides reviewing beautiful wedding submissions on a daily basis and helping brides with tips that could help save them from breakdown on the best day of their lives, I also love meeting new friends in the wedding industry. Beverly Harris is as classy as it gets and she sure knows a thing or two about her town, and coincidentally, her name twin, Beverly Hills. She’s also a skilled wedding planner and adores the opportunity to work with on Jewish weddings. So between working high-end events in Beverly Hills and managing the behind-the-scenes of Jewish weddings, Beverly is well-versed in chuppah design and beauty. Today she shares with us a few words about her knowledge and love for the Jewish wedding canopy!

As a wedding planner, I’ve worked on lots of Jewish weddings. One of my favorite things about a Jewish wedding is to see the bride and groom standing under the chuppah. According to the Jewish view of marriage, the purpose of marriage is both companionship and procreation. The chuppah is a marriage canopy that symbolizes the couple’s first home together.

According to many authorities the chuppah is a metaphor for groom’s house, or at any rate an actual room or building other than the bride’s parental home. By entering it, the woman is declaring her official independence from her family and accepting the protection of her husband.

I believe the chuppah is the most distinctive feature of any Jewish wedding. It actually sets the tone to the beginning of a beautiful wedding. A chuppah can be made of any material. Silk or quilted chuppot are increasingly common, and can often be customized or personalized to suit the couple’s unique interests and occupations.

These days though, chuppah design is usually more flexible, from flowers to birch branches and natural vines an so much more. The decoration possibilities are endless. The important thing is to have four secure poles and a canopy overhead. The chuppah is open on all four sides so to symbolize the welcoming of family and friends to the couple’s new home and lives together.

I’d like to share some photos of beautiful chuppahs that I think are super impressive. Happy chuppah-ing!

Wildflowers Photography

Orange Turtle Photography

Norris Photo

Guest Post by: Beverly Harris Weddings & Events

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A Mother of the Bride’s Perspective

Posted on May 6, 2013 by Alison in Inside Scoop, JDate, Jewish Traditions

Remember beautiful Dara and handsome Michael’s Kansas City Jewish wedding from a couple weeks ago? Well, Dara’s mama has something to say about her daughter meeting the man of her dreams and the wedding day that came to be! It’s always so special to have a new point of view and there’s nothing like the view of our (Jewish) mothers!

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A Jewish Doctor!! Thank You Mom and JDate!

Wichita, Kansas isn’t exactly the Jewish dating mecca, even if you have the most wonderful daughter in the world. I’m not knocking Wichita. There is a nice, small Jewish community, but at the time most of the members were older, married, or still in elementary school, and the few Jewish boys she grew up with were more like brothers than perspective love interests.

Dara’s dad and I were hopeful she would find a Jewish man at KU, but it didn’t happen. Again we were hopeful when she moved to Kansas City, but each time she brought a boy home we began to realize this was not happening, and she made it very clear she had no interest in joining JDate.

My mother, Dara’s grandmother, passed away in May 2009. We were sitting shiva at my brother’s home on Long Island. Towards the end of day three, my brother’s friend engaged my daughter in conversation in an effort to set her up with his nephew. To pique her interest, he wanted to show her his photo on JDate. My niece powered up her computer, loaded the JDate website, and as she was handing the laptop to my daughter, a free membership sign flashed across the screen. In unison, we burst into laughter and screamed that it was Grandma at work already. Dara joined JDate that day, and the rest is history.

I loved Michael from the moment I met him. He was warm, confident, intelligent, possessed a sense of humor, and when he came to NY for Thanksgiving, it was as if he had been part of our family right from the start. My daughter was blessed! She had met a wonderful man with an amazing family that adored her and she adored them right back. Upon meeting them for the first time, I understood why. When my best friend asked me, “So what are they like?” I answered, “I would want to be friends with them even if they weren’t Michael’s parents.” To which she responded, “Wow! That’s wonderful.” Wonderful is right!

About a year later, Dara and Michael were engaged. It was a match made in heaven. My daughter was not only going to marry a Jewish man, but a Jewish doctor! I will never forget the day my daughter called:
“Hi Mommy, are you sitting down?”
“Yes, why?”
“Michael asked me to marry him! I said ‘Yes!’ WE’RE ENGAGED!”

What followed was a whirlwind of planning, shopping, tasting, trying, calling, crying, laughing, stuffing, mailing, eating (best tasting wedding cake ever), fitting, starving, AKA, the best mother-daughter time ever!!

I would describe the search for “The Dress” to be, at first, exhilarating, quickly going from confusing, to what we described as wedding dress blur. You know when your daughter has tried on so many dresses, each one looking more fabulous than the next but not quite “The One” and they all start blurring together and you can’t remember which one has which detail? Well, I kept asking Dara, “How do you feel in it?” and from the top of Mount Wedding Dress Blur, Dara yelled “Why do you keep asking me that? I don’t know what you mean. I feel like I am trying on wedding dress. How am I supposed to feel? Please stop asking me that.”

And then… Then that magical moment happened. She stepped out of the dressing room and we looked at each other both knowing this is The One and the tears began to fall. I know every mother thinks their daughter is the most beautiful bride, and that is the way it should be, but my daughter really was.

There are no words to describe the flood of emotion as I watched my daughter marry her new best friend. Dara and Michael were so happy, the way they looked at each other, we knew everything was going to be OK. I have never seen a couple have as much fun during their wedding ceremony as Michael and Dara. It was a spectacular event, and would have given us enough memories to last a lifetime, but we were not finished.

Although, Michael was born in the United States, his parents were born in Israel, and still have many close relatives and friends living there. Many of them were unable to attend the wedding in Kansas City. Michael’s parents, with the help of his fabulous aunt and uncle, made a second wedding reception in Haifa at the Dan Carmel Hotel, overlooking the Mediterranean Sea.

It was a stunning affair, truly fit for royalty as approximately 200 family members and friends came to wish the newly married couple much “nachus” and to share in this joyous celebration of love.

So, I end as I began, with gratitude for bringing this incredible man named Michael into my daughter’s heart and head, a man who values family as much as he does life, who calls me “Mom,” and makes me happy to have another fabulous son, but most importantly, who adores my daughter and strives to make her happy everyday.

Thank you Mom, thank you JDate.

Respectfully submitted by,
Barbara Rose

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Your Wedding Photos Last A Lifetime

Posted on April 24, 2013 by Alison in From The Yentas, Inside Scoop, Jewish Traditions

As many friends of The Wedding Yentas community know, my grandfather passed away on April 3 and even though it was expected and he was 92 years young, it’s still a difficult and sad time for my family. He was an accomplished man who ran a successful business, was a father to three daughters, loved his five grandchildren, and enjoyed his three great grandchildren (one of them is Baby Yenta!), indulged in chocolate, cheered on his favorite baseball team, and kept an orderly and organized home.

He lived a very full life. He served as a mail carrier in the army during World War II and was involved in some of the most historic battles and landmarks. He traveled extensively and was extremely philanthropic, especially in the Jewish community and within the synagogue he heavily funded.

If there’s one thing the Jewish people know how to do, it’s a funeral. Two days after my Grandpa passed away, all the people who loved him — and it was a lot! — filed into the chapel of a well-known Los Angeles Jewish memorial park. After some Jewish prayers, heartfelt eulogies, and an Honor Guard that presented my Grandma with a commemorative flag for her fallen soldier, it was all over and everyone caravanned back to the home my grandparents shared to partake in — no surprise here — a perfect and delicious deli spread. The remainder of the afternoon and evening was a wonderful party filled with good conversation and good food, an event my Grandpa would’ve definitely enjoyed. The Jews do it right: mourn, bury, eat. It’s comforting, socially and emotionally.

Besides the people, the one thing that traveled from the funeral to the “after-party” was a science fair-like poster board filled with photos from my Grandpa’s life and the people who loved him. I love looking at the photos of him as a strapping young man in the army, near the age he met my Grandma. I also love revisiting memories for which I was present in photos that memorialize him the way I remember him as a little girl.

And even with a rich life of experiences and crowds of loved ones, what’s that one photo in the middle of the poster board?

His wedding photo.

Taken April 20, 1947 by a now unknown photographer, never blogged, never shared on Facebook. This photo is the center of a poster board which is meant to recap his full life. Without even strategizing or analyzing, it was understood that the most important photo to represent his life as we knew it was the photo that showcased him next to his bride, my Grandma.

People, this is important: why am I telling you about my Grandpa who passed away? Because your wedding photos will be a recap of what’s considered the most important day of your life. You will have many important days: the day you get promoted at work; the day you run your first marathon; the day you receive the key to the house you just bought. And if there is a camera available on those other important days, will the output of the camera be at the center of your funeral science fair poster board?

It’s no secret I’m a wedding junkie and I’m lucky enough to review hundreds of weddings a year to publish on The Wedding Yentas. I have many friends in all fields of the wedding industry. I love flowers like the next girly girl and I think music makes or breaks your party. But let me be real for one second: your photographer better be good. You must love your photographer so that you are comfortable getting all nakey-nakey before you put on your dress and feel totally cool with kissing your partner a zillion times throughout the day on camera. You have to adore your photographer’s work and trust the technical and artistic credentials that sealed the deal for you. Do not try to save money on your photographer. Save money elsewhere. Or, choose a photographer within a reasonable budget. But do not hire a photographer based on dollar signs — or lack thereof — alone. Choose your photographer because you are obsessed with your photographer. Hire a trained professional who specializes in weddings (and bonus points if he or she has shot Jewish weddings!). Be absolutely sure that any money exchanged buys you the most phenomenal wedding photos.

What I love most about my grandparents’ wedding photo is that it could be anybody, really. Go look at your grandparents’ wedding snapshots. I bet they look just like mine. There are variations on the location and the dress, of course, but I think that’s the special part about Jewish families: everyone’s photos look the same; the people are just swapped out. Is that my Aunt Frieda or yours? Who knows. All Uncle Louises look alike.

I love my grandparents’ photographer because he captured them in a magical time during which all members of The Greatest Generation seemed to sparkle. That “I just got back from war not too long ago and I am ready to conquer the world with this pretty lady by my side” look. There was no Photoshop. There was no Instagram. There was no blogging. It was just a photographer, his camera, and his subjects. And from that came a handful of photos of a young couple in love.

That young couple aged and the bride remains with us. The groom, that handsome son of immigrant parents groom, is no longer alive, but his face lights up the photo the way it did throughout his whole life.

One day, you’re going to die. There will be a deli platter. And hopefully, right smack in the middle of a science fair poster board, there will be a photo of you and your life-long love taken on your wedding day by the best photographer you knew.

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A Groom With A View: Anonymous Groom Shares Wedding Day Reflections

Posted on April 17, 2013 by Alison in Groom With A View, Jewish Traditions, Planning

“The Anonymous Groom” is a newlywed who was happy to be involved in the wedding plans for his December 2012 wedding. He and his wife enjoy traveling all over the world, hosting their friends in their new home, and going out to try new restaurants and food. He works in the banking industry and is a big sports fan.

It had been 362 days since I proposed. The last year had been really busy but I really enjoyed planning our wedding with my fiancée. I was definitely a little more involved than most grooms. I took on a lot of the stress of getting everything together and in addition to the wedding planning, also started a new job and moved to a new house during our engagement. Why not do everything at the same time? Now the time had finally come to get on a plane to Chicago, where my now-wife is from, to kick off our wedding weekend.

Seeing family and friends leading up to the wedding was really fun for me. I am close with my family and have a lot of loyal friends so being surrounded by all of my favorite people was incredible. It was something I looked forward to throughout the year. In fact, my fiancée and I flew to Chicago with 17 of my family and my parents’ friends. Just being around everyone gave me a lot of energy and made me feel content. My dad’s friend, Mark, even got the flight attendants to make an announcement that we were getting married. I’m sure I turned bright red.

Our wedding was in December in Chicago so everyone was in a festive and excited mood. Michigan Avenue and the rest of the city were decorated and lit up for the holidays, and there was a seasonal chill in the air. I could feel everyone’s enthusiasm being there. For the two days before the wedding, it flurried, adding to the wintry and festive atmosphere. The night before the wedding, we had a big rehearsal dinner, and it was a great way to kick off the festivities. There were some touching speeches, and I was really emotional and tried to hold back my tears. I was surprised that I was only able to consume one slice of deep dish pizza that night!

The night before the wedding, being traditional, my then-fiancée kicked me out of our hotel room. One of my groomsman and his fiancée were nice enough to let me crash on a cot in their room. I slept okay but didn’t sleep that well. I was excited, not nervous, and I wanted to be in the moment on my wedding day.

I remember going to my parents’ hotel room in the early morning after I had something light to eat for breakfast. I came into the room, saw my mom, and we both just broke down, overcome by the emotion of the day and that feeling that time goes by too fast. I remember embracing my mom for a few minutes, reminiscing about lots of good times over the years growing up. I think I got most of the emotion and tears out at that point. I felt a lot of emotions throughout the day, but kept my composure for the most part.

My bride and I were going to have our “first look” sometime in the early afternoon. Seeing my fiancée in that white dress for the first time was an unforgettable moment. I also really enjoyed witnessing the father of the bride seeing her for the first time. My fiancée and her dad are really close so it was special for me to see them share a few moments together.

It was a cold but clear day so my wife and I decided to take off around the city with our photographer, videographer, and their crews. For me, it felt like we were the only two people in the world. I felt like we were celebrities at our own photo shoot. We got some great shots in front of some of Chicago’s gorgeous architectural landmarks and also got some starker shots in city’s Loop. By the way, our photos are amazing.

You know how in the movies there’s that scene or that moment where the groom has cold feet? Well, that didn’t happen for me at all on my wedding day. When it came time to walk down the aisle, I was very calm, comfortable, and contented. I knew I was in love, that I was marrying the right person, and that I wanted her to be my partner-in-crime for the rest of my life.

It felt wonderful to walk down the floral-lined aisle with my dad on one side and my mom on the other. It was also really special to watch my bride walk down the aisle with her parents, seeing their joy and happiness. During the ceremony and the reception, I tried to be in the moment and tried to capture everything in my mind so that I would never forget it. It was a challenge for me because every time I got too into the moment and really thought “wow, this is my wedding day,” I got pretty emotional.

Incorporating Jewish traditions into our ceremony was particularly special to me. We got married under a chuppah made with my grandfather’s tallit, we circled each other, and I broke the glass. I felt a genuine connection to my family, culture, and religion, knowing that my parents, grandparents, and ancestors followed the same customs at their weddings.

The party was just awesome and it went by just way too fast. Our band played their hearts out from the Horah all the way through the last song. They really made the party and brought a ton of energy to the room.

And then, just like that, the night was over. I suppose nothing good can last forever. I wouldn’t have changed a thing about it though. At least we still had our honeymoon to look forward to.

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Circle of Love

Posted on April 16, 2013 by Alison in Inside Scoop, Jewish Traditions, Planning

While at dinner with friends who are just two weeks away from their wedding, we were talking about the final details of their ceremony and they couldn’t decide on the ritual of circling.

In case you’re not in the inner circle and you’re confused, the casual and informal term of “circling” refers to the tradition of the bride literally walking in circles around the groom during the chuppah ceremony.

Sandor Welsh Photography

Some do it. Some don’t. Some do a variation on the circling.

Still deciding what you want to do? Maybe a little more info will help shape your decision on circling. It’s an Ashkenazi tradition and has been interpreted the bride creating seven or three circles around the groom. Seven is usually considered to be more traditional. As with most concepts in Jewish religion and culture, there are many reasons and symbols for this tradition. I imagine a bunch of really smart rabbis sitting around a table filled with lox and bagels and caawww-fee all discussing the traditions and trying to agree on one explanation and then finally one stands up, bangs his fist on the table, and says “Fah-get about it! Let ‘em pick! They all sound good, yes? Of course yes!” and then it’s up to the people. So, here we are, with a few different explanations, open to interpretation depending on your movement and level of observance.

So, the reason for the circles? In the book of Jeremiah, it is said that “a woman encompasses a man.” Therefore, she literally encompasses him, physically, by walking in a circular border around him.

Another explanation is that by circling her groom a number of times, a bride creates a sort of invisible wall to make a sacred space for them in the chuppah.

Also, numbers play a big part in Jewish traditions, and seven happens to be a biggie. Seven is the number of days of creation and, in theory, the couple is creating a new world together. Also, the phrase “a man takes a wife” is mentioned seven times in the Torah. Another one I’ve heard is that Joshua circled the walls of Jericho seven times to take it down, and, therefore, by the bride circling her groom, she is taking down any walls between them.

Three circles are considered to be a more reform practice. And again, it’s a numbers thing. God says “I will betrothe thee unto me” three times in reference to himself and Israel. So some couples decide three circles are enough and like the derivation of that number.

Then, there’s what more modern couples are doing: they’ll take turns circling the other an even amount of tmes — so either 3 or 1 each, and then circle each other at the same time for the final round. This is seen as more equitable practice since modern couples treat their marriage, and therefore the chuppah ceremony, as an equal partnership. That is, it’s not just the bride making the groom her world, but the groom making the bride his world as well.

Talk to your rabbi, cantor, or officiant about the option that would be best for you two and your system of beliefs. You may even choose to skip it altogether. But if you do end up circling, some tips: hold your bouquet with one hand and your dress’s skirt with the other to avoid tripping; Don’t look down the whole time because your face won’t be as available for photographs, so alternate between looking straight ahead at your partner and then at the ground; when you’re finished, make sure your maid of honor re-fluffs your dress once you’re settled in position.

No matter what you choose, your ceremony should be a reflection of your love and values. It’s less about the circles and more about your hearts!